Mommy with a purpose

There have been so many days since becoming a Mommy that I have felt that I had no real purpose.  I was missing the point completely!  My purpose is great, it is grand even.  I am a Mother... I helped bring precious lives into this world.  I have been blessed with the job and the purpose of raising my children to become wonderful, caring, loving human beings that will eventually go out into the world and do great things.  I always knew that that was my purpose, but I never felt like that was "enough".  I was always made to feel that being a mother was not enough, that you needed to be SUPER MOM and that you had to be able to do it all while running backwards in high heels in a ball gown, perfect hair, and a 4 course homemade dinner on the table promptly at 6 nightly in order to be successful at being a mom with a purpose.
Now that I am a 30 something mother of 4, I have finally, just today realized that... I am enough!  I have a purpose and I am enough of a mom to feel like my job of being a mother to these 4 amazing children is more than enough and that I do not need to be super mom to do it!  I  can do it in the sweatpants I have worn for 3 days straight, in my husband's old Army T-shirt, and my hair all in a mess and still do it beautifully.  I know that when I go to bed tonight, I can go to bed with a smile knowing that my children are fed, in warm beds, and they are HAPPY.  They are happy because they have Mommy right here.
I have beat myself up for the last 9 years of my marriage because I have not had a "real job" where I leave the home and earn an income to help my family and I have taken it very hard.  I have student loans the size of a small mortgage (when I married my husband I promised my Dad that I would finish school and so I did), I have a degree in fashion that is basically just a very expensive piece of paper, and until now... I couldn't accept that as being okay.  I kept telling myself that one day, I will be able to trim the bills enough to put the little ones in daycare and go out and work so that I can feel like I have a purpose.  Why did I not feel like being a mom was good enough?  Why couldn't I see that what I was doing was filled with purpose and that I didn't have to please anyone other than God with this purpose?  I am not sure as to why, but I have finally awoken and come into my own and realized that being Mommy is ENOUGH!
I was raised in a home where I was fortunate enough to have my mom at home because she was a seamstress and had her office in the home.  I always wanted to do the same, but I am no seamstress... I am artistic but nothing which I could make a real living wage from.  I always felt guilty that my mom was able to stay home yet provide and income and I have been unable to do so.  I felt as though I fell short somewhere.  I realize now that that is not the path that God has chosen for me.  I have my own unique and beautiful path that I am willing to love and accept wholeheartedly as Mommy right here in my own home.
I am choosing to be a mom with a purpose.  A mom that cherishes the small things and realizes that things will not always be perfect. I will not host the playgroup weekly, my house will never be spotless, and I will not be the mom who throws best parties for my kids, but I will always be right here for them.  I am waking up from the fog of early motherhood and realizing that time passes sooooo quickly and it is time to stop competing and to stop worrying about how other moms do it and just embrace how I do it.  It is time for me to focus on what works for our family and what makes us most happy and comfortable.  I want to look back and not scrutinize myself for not living up to the super mom next door, I want to look back and be able to smile knowing that we lived our lives happily ever after in our own way.  After all, that is how we have done everything else... in our own way.

So, here and now, I am pledging to be a Mommy with a purpose and to live this life intentionally with as much love and joy as I can!